Wednesday, March 11, 2020

The Happily Ever After

Many people dream of having their ultimate true love soul mate: The One or Twin Flame. If one is lucky, this may happen in their lifetime. If it does, one may never know WHEN it could occur during their lifetime. Not to discourage you, but I once met a 63 year old woman who told me she'd FINALLY met the love of her life. But, I've also known 2 couples from my high school who got together and have stayed together to this day, having children together and making their dreams come true. So there is a whole spectrum of possibilities. Sometimes it's not your first marriage that is your best true love. Some people may have multiple true loves in their life, especially if they lose their first one to an untimely death.

I had always wanted, hoped and dreamed for this One True Love. Truth is, I ended up having several long-term relationships in my life, some with a deeper love and commitment than others, but the fact that those relationships ended really hurt my perception of a "love that lasts a lifetime" existing. Once you go through a divorce, a terrible breakup, an engagement called-off, or some other tragedy in your romantic life, your hopes can be severely dashed.

But, lets go back to my first paragraph, and go from there.

Let's say you are lucky enough to find your 'one' True Love of your Life: That isn't the end of your story. The Happily Ever After that some movies have pitched in our childhood isn't entirely true. Relationships take (a lot of) effort and energy. Aka work. Two people who've come from two different life journeys, fraught with all sorts of obstacles, flaws, mistakes, failures, wounding, scars, and baggage, come together, and then BOOM: alchemy of the two souls. Both of your mini-universes collide and begin to align positively (and occasionally collide negatively) physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. Integrating both of your lives, careers, hobbies, and families may not be an easy process. Some things will effortlessly come together, while some things may clash terribly. Especially if either or both of you have painful or complicated pasts, and/or differing religious beliefs, sexual expression, love languages, or moral values.  It's different for all couples. Every relationship in this world is a completely unique entity in and of itself. And each person's perspective within the relationship is unique, thus the saying: "There are two sides to every story." Relationships require constant communication and compromise. Because both people within their own unique universe are constantly evolving, and the changes must be discussed as they come. If communication and compromise goes awry, so will the relationship.

Honesty and truth can be tricky. Honesty requires a certain level or amount of safety and comfort to exist and be felt for one to reveal their deepest truths to another, and if that threshold isn't met, then lies and omissions may occur. This level or threshold of safety for honesty could be different for every one, and every couple. People tend to lie for these reasons: 1) They're afraid of emotionally hurting the recipient of their truth 2) They're afraid of the recipient's reaction back at them, including being potentially harmed as a result physically, emotionally, mentally, verbally etc. 3) They're not sure at the moment how they actually think and feel (lack of clarity to give a 100% truthful answer) 4) They're afraid of the overall consequences of revealing their truth. Sometimes revealing truths can unravel someone's life entirely, destroy their current reality, and set their life on an entirely new course, which could look and feel terrifying in the mind. Sometimes I wonder who coined the sentence "The Truth Will Set You Free", because that's not always a true statement either. Just ask a million people sitting in prison what their opinion may be on that sentence... Sometimes I think a more appropriate statement would be something like, "The Truth will hurt you."

Coming together with someone in a deep loving romantic connection, is actually a very vulnerable occurrence, and can bring up so many fears and insecurities. Many of your wounds, triggers, "flaws", and damage get spotlighted during a relationship's progression. This can be cause for great self-reflection, growth, and healing, but also for great pain, difficulties, and sadness as these things get confronted, stirred-up, or unearthed, sometimes over and over again. When you give a person a microscopic view of yourself and your life intimately, you could end up handing them the keys to your undoing, so it's a delicate and vulnerable situation. Your beloved's opinions and judgments of you can feel deeper, more insightful, and more painful to process than anyone else's, besides your family members. You get pulled into each other's hurricane of life. A romantic couple isn't just the two of them, it includes everyone else that each individual is connected to in their life, it's a very large network of people that also has to adjust to the new romantic couple. Everything that happens to you and your beloved, will immediately affect each of them, and those closest to them. It's a ripple effect.

Try to choose your romantic love partner(s) wisely. Look beyond the surface beauty or materialism they may possess, and peer into their personality(ies), energy vibe, and shadow side(s) to get a more accurate analysis. This however, could take months and years to uncover, and even then, everyone is always changing and evolving, so the learning of your partner is a continuous process.
Appreciate the good things about your partner and the beautiful moments shared, as often as possible, to hopefully overshadow the more negative parts and memories. Enjoy the journey, as best you can.

~Mandelyn Reese~

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