Broken

Why are we put through things that make us struggle
Why do some things have to hurt so bad
How come sometimes you're brought so low you feel broken beyond repair

I wonder to myself, if things were better between people, would we as humans experience less pain, less heartbreak, less emotional turmoil. If people were kinder, more considerate, cared more about each other, took the time to reach out to someone even just to say hi. Maybe there wouldn't be so much agony and chaos in the world. Maybe life would be easier to live. If people would just work together, for the greater common good, like an ant pile operates.

How come relationships, the ones closest to you, hurt you the most. Those people you let in your heart, whether because they are your blood or a romantic love, why do those people sometimes torture you the most. How many of us look fine on the outside but bare deep wounds from others on the inside. Memory scars that never heal.

If life is a school, why do we have to suffer? Is life a school? Has anyone actually ever figured out the purpose of life? If "karma" is real, why do we have to worry about causing it or balancing it?
Are we just supposed to live life one day at a time and not worry so much about consequences? because we can never fully know the full consequences of our choices and actions. Some consequences show up years or even decades later.

There are a zillion different religions and belief sets that trace back as far as man can be traced. If we have come from a divine creator of some sort, why are we in this life suffering? Why do we have to experience pain? Why does it feel like things are set up to drive a person crazy? Why do things like war, rape, molestation, torture, abuse, murder even happen? Why do things have to be like this on Earth?

I feel like I have too many questions, and not enough answers. I've read so many books, articles, and information, and I feel even more confused than when I began my questioning and research. There are a zillion people out there with advice to give, but for every point of advice there seems to exist an exact opposite.

I think I did feel whole for a little while as a small child, before my parents broke me, before men broke me, before life and the world broke me. Once things are broken, they are never the same again.

All you can do is try to mend the pieces, and cope with the scars, that no one else can see. And pray you keep the will and courage to continue.

~Mandelyn Reese
1/10/2015