I recently read an article about how a 34-year-old woman was feeling pressured to get married by her friends and family. She ended up buying herself a sort of engagement ring to wear as a declaration that she would be fine on her own if it never worked out with a man. Six months later she met the love of her life suddenly during a trip. She said that if she had settled with a guy she knew that wasn't right for her, that she would've never ended up with the love of her life.
After reading the article, it really got me thinking. I want to be with and marry "the love of my life." I don't want to settle for someone that I know deep down is not right for me and doesn't make me happy. I certainly do not want to bring a child into this world before I've even gotten my man situation sorted out. I would rather be single than with a man who makes me miserable or who's a constant downer. I want to enjoy life and have more positive experiences than negative ones if I can help it.
With that being said, I have some declarations to make:
* I will not settle for a man who does not have his shit together.
* I will not settle for a man that I am not physically attracted to. If I am not physically attracted to a man, I cannot even genuinely get aroused and enjoy intimacy.
* I will not settle for a man who is not a spiritually enlightened being or has no interest in working on himself and opening his mind.
* I will not settle with a man with a negative mindset who constantly brings me down with complaints and criticism.
* I will not settle with a man who does not love me the way I deserve to be loved, and accept me for who I am: the good and the bad.
* I will not settle with a man who treats me like crap.
* I will not settle for a man who verbally, physically, or mentally abuses a woman in anyway.
* I will not settle with a man who is not physically fit or active.
* I will not settle with a man who just wants to stay home all the time and not be willing to go out and socialize and enjoy life. I want some adventure spirit in a man; willing to try new things and foods.
* I will not settle with a man who is nursing any sort of addictions to toxic substances such as cigarettes, drugs (prescription or illegal), or chronic alcoholism.
* I will not settle for a man who doesn't enjoy affection both publicly and in private.
* I will not settle with a man who is unable or unwilling to reciprocate and please me intimately.
* I will not settle with a man who isn't kind to others, children, and animals.
* I will not settle with a man who sucks at communication and compromise.
* I will not settle with a man who is broke or can barely take care of himself. A man who is ready for a serious relationship needs to show that he can do his part in being a good provider for a future family.
* I will not settle for a man who does not support my Angel Project or puts me down about it in any way.
* I will not settle with a man who does not exhibit chivalrous, mannerly, and respectful qualities.
* I will not settle for a man who doesn't reciprocate, do, or respond to romantic gestures. Romantic gestures help keep love and intimacy alive!
* I will not settle with a man who cannot hold an intellectual conversation with me.
* I will not settle with a man who is a complete slob and cannot even pick up after himself. I do not want to be having to always clean up after a man.
* I will not settle with a man who hardly gives nice compliments or builds me up or fails to tell me that he loves me often. Women need to hear these things from the man they love and are with!
* I do not want to settle with a man who doesn't groom himself nicely. I have spent a lot of money and work very hard to be clean and almost hairless all the time in general and would appreciate that in a partner.
* I will not settle with a man who is overly jealous, controlling, or possessive. While I love the foundation of a sacred union with a man, I do not want to feeling like I am held captive or caged by his behaviors.
* I will not settle with a man who does not respect me for who I am and what I do.
I no longer choose to carry around negativity exhibited by men who I choose not to date or be intimate with. I have enough pain and baggage from previous heartbreaking experiences that I continue to do a lot of inner healing work on. I do not need to carry around additional emotional weight from others. While I am naturally empathetic and sympathetic, I must not allow myself to carry the heavy burden of another's feelings of rejection. I have been rejected many many times, and it's definitely hurt a lot, but a new quote I heard recently that I really like and that has helped me deal with feelings of rejection is: "Rejection is God's Protection," It's either not the right person, or not the right time. Maybe you feel like you've found "the one" but they aren't ready. All you can do is hold onto faith and have patience. Maybe while you're "waiting" someone new will come along.
More to come...
~Mandelyn Reese
6/8/15
